I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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