Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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