I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
