I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
