Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
