I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm just crazy horny about you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
