At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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