I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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