Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
