Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Alive.
So much puke
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
