And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
