remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
