It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
