So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
