was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
