Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
