I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
