woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
