Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
honey bunches of taint.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
