1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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