Umm I'm too high to move.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
