Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
