Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
