Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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