yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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