If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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