being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
