I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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