I think i peed on brittanys purse
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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