glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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