she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
