Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
