I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
