she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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