your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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