had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
