a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
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