they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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