Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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