I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
