i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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