I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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