Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
