Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
