Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
