kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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