P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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