I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
