you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
