I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
