oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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