new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
