You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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